I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
