I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I deserve this hangover.
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