what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
