if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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