remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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