I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
