I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
