In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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