I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
that's an acceptable place to lick
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
