Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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