Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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