What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He shit in the fireplace
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
