Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
