david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
