Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
