I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
