foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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