i would punch a child for taco bell
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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