Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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