I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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