She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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