I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
