i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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