People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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