Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's blow job season.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
