Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
