It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
