and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
