oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
