You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
