i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
