Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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