i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
