Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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