Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
