Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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