some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
