I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
