bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
