Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
