okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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