flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
