i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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