we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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