cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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