pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
