I must be too annoying 4 u.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
