I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
