her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
