Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
