I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
