I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
