I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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