Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
