the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
