a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
