Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
