that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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