Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
