Porn is love you can see.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm passing your future prison.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
